


The Agreement

by switchknitter



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Hardly Any Smut, Human Loki (Marvel), M/M, Yes Really, tony is still iron man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-21 10:39:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17042177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/switchknitter/pseuds/switchknitter
Summary: Loki is so used to being controlled and lied to that he grows anxious and shaky with partners in bed.Tony, after fighting to get his company and his life on track, is tired of having to pay attention to everything. He can't take partners because of his trust issues.They're just friends with benefits.  But what will happen if one of them wants more?





	The Agreement

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on a prompt by [MxVampirePunk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MxVampirePunk/pseuds/MxVampirePunk), who is also the best beta ever. I couldn't resist, although it turned out very different from my previous fics...

Loki Odinson was ashamed.

Once again, he’d taken home someone attractive, and had them tell him soothingly that it happened to all guys once in a while. And then they’d leave and never come back.

It didn’t happen to him just once in a while, though. He had chronic performance anxiety. He had been used and lied to his entire life, starting with his parents and ending with his ex-girlfriend Sigyn. Since they split up, Loki hadn’t been able to maintain an erection with a partner. He just had too many memories in his head, and the strangers in his bed -- no matter how attractive -- just made it worse.

He always made sure to get his partner off -- he wasn’t rude -- but they were offended by his seeming lack of interest, or else pitied him. The pity was the worst. It made him feel even more worthless.

Loki threw some clothes on and went to his favorite bar. It was still fairly early, just after 10:00, and Harry’s was open late. He wanted to get drunk. He knew he’d regret it in the morning, but fuck it. His next deadline was fairly far off. He could afford to spend the day recovering from a hangover.

He was on his fourth gin and tonic when a man sat down next to him. “Hey there, gorgeous. What’re you drinking?”

“Not interested,” Loki replied, not even bothering to look over. He was too depressed to try again tonight.

The man went quiet. “You sure about that?”

Loki rolled his eyes and looked over at the man. It was Tony Stark. He was being hit on by fucking _Iron Man_. Loki was drunk and morose enough that he wasn’t impressed. “I’m sure.”

“Huh.” Stark sat down, much to Loki’s annoyance. “Why not?”

“Do I need a reason?”

“I’m just curious. Most people either hate me or else throw themselves at me.” Tony waved the bartender over. “Scotch. Neat.”

“I’ve met a lot of famous people,” Loki said. “I’m not easily impressed, and not in the mood to get laid.” Which wasn’t entirely true. He wasn’t in the mood to have Stark, or anyone else’s, pity.

Stark took his drink from the bartender, giving the man a hundred. “Keep ‘em coming. Want a drink, Green Eyes? No strings attached.”

Loki shrugged. “Sure, why not.” If Stark was going to keep annoying him, he should at least buy the booze.

The bartender left, and Stark stuck out his hand. “You obviously know who I am. Can I get your name?”

“You said no strings, Stark.”

“Call me Tony, Green Eyes. And that’s fine if you want to be anonymous. I wish I could be sometimes.” Stark almost sounded wistful for a second, but he shook it off. “What’s got you down? Girl trouble? Guy trouble?”

Like Loki was going to admit to his problem. “It’s just been one of those days.” More like one of those _months_.

“You’re not making this easy on me, are you?”

“You’re the one pestering me, Stark.”

Tony actually looked a little remorseful. “Look, I’m sorry. It’s just rare for me to meet someone who doesn’t want anything from me. It’s refreshing, so I just wanted to talk.”

“I understand that sentiment, but I’m terrible company right now.”

“Oh? And who wants something from you?” Tony was being curious, not insulting.

Loki sighed. “I’m a writer. I’m fairly good at it, too. Fans, the press, my family--” He shook his head. “I’m too drunk for this. I’m leaving.” He stood up. “Have a good night, Mr. Stark.”

Stark grabbed his arm. “It’s Tony. And hey, call me. If you don’t want a hookup, maybe we can be, y’know, drinking buddies or something.”

Tony pressed a business card into his hand, and Loki sighed. “I’m not going to call you.”

“Keep the card anyway. Maybe you’ll change your mind.” Tony sounded… hopeful.

Loki pocketed the card with the intent to throw it away. He went out into the cold autumn air, taking a deep breath as he hailed a cab.

He didn’t need a _drinking buddy_. He was fine on his own.

\---

Loki found himself staring at Tony’s business card the next afternoon. He wanted to shred it, but the idea of having a potential friend stopped him. It was weakness, he knew. He was used to being alone. He hated it, but it was better than having one more person manipulate him or stab him in the back.

On the other hand, he’d heard about Tony being betrayed by his mentor, Somebody-or-other Stane. It was common knowledge. Tony had brushed it off in interviews, from what Loki had seen, but Loki knew such things ran deep. 

So he gave into temptation and called. It went to voicemail; not surprising, as Loki didn’t answer calls from unknown numbers either. “Hello, Tony. This is, ah, ‘Green Eyes’ from the bar last night. Call me back if you feel like it.” He rattled off his mobile number and hung up, feeling twitchy about talking to Tony.

The man was unfairly good-looking, Loki had to admit. If he didn’t have his _problem_ he’d have taken Tony up on his offer last night. But he did, so he hadn’t.

Maybe Loki should try Viagra or something. Hm. Probably wasn’t a terrible idea, actually. He’d have to confess to his doctor, though. What the hell… He picked up his phone again to make the call, hands shaking, and the receptionist made him an appointment for two days hence.

Loki spent the rest of the day online, mostly watching cat videos on YouTube. He had a mild headache from the alcohol last night, and he liked cats. His own, Fenrir, was ignoring him at the moment, miffed about the new hairball formula food Loki had changed him to. He looked over to where the enormous black Maine Coon sat facing the wall pointedly. Contrary little beast.

Around 11:00 his phone rang. It was Tony. “Stark,” Loki answered, just to be contrary.

“It’s Tony, Green Eyes. And at least you know _my_ name.”

Loki sighed. “Loki Odinson.”

“Wait, really? The playwright?”

“Yes, _Tony_.”

“Aw, man. I’m normally not a theater guy, but a friend dragged me to _The Frost Giant_ last year on Broadway. It was great.”

Loki couldn’t help but be a tiny bit flattered at the man’s enthusiasm. “Thank you. And I’m talking to you on a StarkPhone. I believe that makes us even.”

“So it does,” Tony laughed. “Listen, what are you doing tomorrow night?”

“I already have plans,” Loki lied smoothly. “Maybe Thursday?” He should have his problem solved by then.

“Thursday is good. Come over about seven, I’ll order pizza and we can have a few beers. I’m in the penthouse at Stark Tower.”

“Sounds good,” Loki agreed. “See you then.”

Disconnecting the call, he realized it felt like he’d just made a date. Shit. He didn’t want to _date_. He wanted to… what _did_ he want from Tony? If Loki just wanted to be friends, he wouldn’t be planning to take Viagra with him. Fuck. It was a date.

_Fuck_.

\---

Loki really didn’t enjoy the conversation with his doctor on Thursday. She was completely professional about his problem, but it didn’t make things any easier to confess to her what was wrong. She referred him to a therapist -- whom he wasn’t going to see -- and sent the prescription he wanted to his pharmacy. It was ready by the time he got there. At home he took a shower, dressed -- jeans and a T-shirt, he was _not_ going to dress up for this -- and went to Tony’s place.

Tony had the same idea about clothes, thankfully. He was on a couch when the penthouse elevator doors opened, and was even barefoot. “Hey Lokes, come on in. What do you like on your pizza?”

“Spinach and mushrooms.” Loki took off his jacket and dropped it over the arm of a chair, then sat down on the other end of the couch from Tony.

Tony wrinkled his nose. “We’ll get two pizzas then. JARVIS, order my usual, and Loki’s vegetarian monstrosity.”

“Of course, Sir.”

Loki looked up. “Who is that?”

“My AI. JARVIS, say hello.”

“Hello, Mr. Odinson. If there’s anything you need, please let me know.”

“Ah, thank you?” Loki was picturing an advanced version of Amazon’s Alexa. He was impressed.

“My pleasure,” the AI said, and went silent.

“So what’s your poison?” Tony stood up and went to the wet bar. “I have a lot of craft beers. You’re British, right? Maybe a stout?”

“Any brown ales or porters?”

“I have some Sam Smith Nut Brown.” Tony held up a bottle.

“Perfect.” it was one of his favorite beers. He watched Tony pour two of them into pint glasses, and brought them over. 

“I bought the movies they made of your plays. _Second Son_ was pretty good. Not my normal thing, but I liked it.”

Loki scowled. “The fucking producer changed the ending. The whole thing was a mess.” He started telling Tony about the perils of having his work adapted for film. The pizza came, and as they ate Tony shared what it was like to try and change the focus of a company when his board of directors was still furious with him for shutting down the weapons division. It was nice to be able to vent to someone who understood, sort of.

After they ate, Tony went to the bathroom. Loki took the opportunity to pop a Viagra, just in case.

When Tony came back, he seemed rather serious. “So listen. I was thinking.”

“Oh?” Loki tensed. 

“Like we were talking about the other night, I have a lot of people in my life who want something from me. And you have the same problem. Right?”

“Yes.” Loki had no idea where this was going.

“So I thought maybe we could come to some sort of arrangement. I want to be friends, but I also think you’re hot. How does friends with benefits sound to you?”

“You’re telling me you want something from me,” Loki said. “What’s the difference between you and everybody else who wants to fuck me?”

“I’m not interested in your fame or fortune. I have enough of my own.” Tony shrugged, but Loki could sense that he was a little nervous. “If you want to be platonic friends, that’s cool too. I was just thinking we could have a little fun while we’re at it.”

Loki took a drink of his beer to give himself time to think. “I’ll consider it.” If Tony wanted to take him to bed right away, he had to stall for half an hour for the pill to kick in. “Tell me about JARVIS.” At Tony’s look of wariness, Loki rolled his eyes. “Not how he works. I don’t know enough about technology to understand that. I’m just curious how he came about. And why aren’t you selling him like Amazon does Alexa?”

Tony relaxed. “JARVIS does far more than tell me the weather and order shit for me. He runs this Tower and my place in Malibu, and is programmed to help me with my work. He’s got his own personality, which is growing increasingly smart-assed by the day.”

“Thank you, Sir. I learned everything I know from watching you.”

At Loki’s snort of amusement, Tony said, “See? I told you.” Tony smiled fondly. “He wasn’t my first AI. I built DUM-E in college.”

“Dummy?”

“It’s an acronym, but yeah, he’s not very bright. I’ve built a couple more since then, but JARVIS is the best of the bunch.” Tony started telling Loki some frankly hilarious stories of his ‘bots’ and trying to teach them to behave.

“They sound like children,”Loki said, chuckling.

“They are, in a way. I don’t like human kids, but robots? I love them.”

There was a natural, comfortable pause in the conversation. Loki finished his beer. 

“I agree to your proposal, Tony.”

“My what now?”

“Friends with benefits.” Loki arched an eyebrow, trying to hide his nervousness. “If you still want that.”

“I do. You’re hot and smart and I like your sense of humor.”

“Likewise.”

They smiled at each other.

“So, uh. Bed?” Tony asked.

“Lead the way.” Loki stood up. His cock twitched in his pants. Maybe this would work.

In the bedroom, Tony pulled Loki down into a kiss. It started slow, but Loki was delighted to find that the chemistry he was hoping for was there, and that his dick was very interested in the proceedings. Soon they were pulling each other’s clothes off eagerly.

Tony paused, though, when Loki tried to take his tank top off. “Mind if I leave this on?”

There was something glowing underneath the black fabric. Loki fought down his curiosity. “Sure. Whatever.” He went back to kissing Tony, who pulled him onto the bed.

“What’s your pleasure, Lokes?” Tony was slightly breathless, and Loki was pleased. He slid down Tony’s body and licked the man’s cock from base to tip. “Oh yeah. I’m totally down for that.” 

“And here I thought _I_ was the one going down.” Loki smirked and started sucking Tony for real, using every trick he knew. Tony was gasping and grabbing hold of the bedsheets as his orgasm built. Finally Loki hummed, and Tony shot his load down Loki’s throat.

“C’mere,” Tony said, tugging Loki upward. They kissed, and Tony took hold of Loki’s cock. “Can I return the favor?”

“Please.” Loki laid on his back, trying to hide his nervousness. This was normally the point where his problem happened, when his partner gave Loki their full attention. But his dick stayed hard as Tony licked his way down Loki’s body, and it didn’t take too much work for Tony to make him come.

“Been a while, Lokes?” Tony sounded smug.

“Yeah,” Loki said, trying to catch his breath. It was such a relief to be able to come during sex again. “Feel like a nap?”

“Hell yes.”

They passed out next to each other for a while.

When Loki woke up, Tony was already awake and reading on a tablet. “How long was I out?”

“About half an hour. I just woke up a few minutes ago.”

Loki rolled out of bed to use the bathroom. When he came out, Tony was dressed. Loki put on his clothes. “How often do you want to do this?”

“I dunno. Thursdays good for you?”

“Absolutely.” Tony walked him to the elevator. “Next week at seven?”

“Sounds good.”

They didn’t kiss goodbye, just grinned at each other as the elevator door closed.

Yeah, Loki thought. Maybe this could work.

\---

They fell into a routine. Loki would take his Viagra before he left his apartment. He and Tony would fuck, nap, order dinner, and fuck again before Loki took his leave.

Two months passed. Loki found that his mind was clearer with the regular sex, and he looked forward to his dinner conversations with Tony as much he did the physical stuff. Everything was great.

And then his doctor had to ruin it. “I’m not prescribing you more,” she told him, “until you’ve seen the therapist I referred you to. You told me at your last appointment that your erectile dysfunction was psychological, and yet you refuse to seek help for it.”

“I _am_ seeking help. I’m here, aren’t I?”

“You need therapy, Mr. Odinson.” Her voice was gentle, and it pissed him off even more. “The problem won’t get better on its own, and you can’t rely on medication forever.”

Loki gritted his teeth. “Fine, I’ll see the fucking therapist.”

“Good,” she said, not unkindly. “Come back in two weeks and I’ll give you a new prescription -- _after_ your first session with Dr. Ramirez.”

Two _weeks_? Fuck. He’d have to cancel on Tony twice. He scheduled the appointment on his way out, and grudgingly called Dr. Ramirez when he got home. The therapist had an opening for next Tuesday. Loki accepted it and wrote down the address.

Thursday afternoon he texted Tony. _Not feeling well. Next week?_

_Sure_ , Tony replied. And then, after a long pause, _I’m going to miss you_.

_Likewise_ , Loki sent back. _See you soon_.

\---

He and Tony usually texted back and forth during the week, and he kept it up as usual. Wednesday he sent another message, one he was dreading. _My agent wants to have dinner tomorrow night. Sorry._

Tony responded quickly. _Come over after?_

_I can’t. We’ll be out late_.

Tony didn’t reply. Loki felt like shit.

Half an hour later, the doorman called to tell him Tony was in the lobby and wanted up. Fuck. Loki told the man to send Tony up.

When Tony came in he looked pissed. “If you want to end our arrangement, man up and fucking say so.”

“I don’t want to end it! I… I’m having some health problems.” Loki looked away, feeling embarrassed. “I didn’t want to tell you.”

Tony immediately calmed. “What’s wrong? Can I help?”

“It’s nothing, it’s just taking a little time to deal with.”

“What is it? You can tell me, Lokes.”

“It’s nothing contagious or fatal.” Loki shrugged awkwardly. “There’s nothing to worry about.”

Tony took his hands. “Talk to me. Please.”

Loki nodded glumly. “Let me get us drinks. I need one.” 

He went to the kitchen and made himself a gin and tonic, then poured two fingers of scotch for Tony. It was an expensive bottle Loki’s adopted father had bought him a few years ago. The asshole didn’t even care that Loki didn’t drink whisky.

He felt like he was headed for a firing squad as he went back into the living room. He sat opposite Tony and drained half his G&T in one go. He didn’t look at Tony as he spoke. “So I have… sexual problems. I… I can’t get it up without pills.”

“Oh.” He could hear Tony shifting his position. “So you take the pills. I don’t see the problem.”

“My doctor has cut me off until this coming Monday. She’s forcing me to see a therapist. I went to my first session yesterday, and it was awful. I need to find a new doctor.”

  
  


“Sounds it.” Tony paused. Loki kept looking at the wall. Maybe he’d repaint his living room soon. “Why a therapist?”

“Because it’s psychological. I have _baggage_.” Loki was so disgusted with himself.

“So do I,” Tony said easily. “Everybody does. I’ve been seeing a therapist for the past five weeks, and even though my ex forced me into it, it seems to be helping some.”

That caught Loki’s attention, and he turned and looked at Tony. “I didn’t know.”

Tony smiled weakly. “We don’t exactly have deep conversations, do we?”

“Touche.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes while Loki tried to figure out what to say. Tony saved him, though. “Look, Lokes. It’s not a big deal. Come over tomorrow and hang out anyway. I can’t stay right now -- I have a meeting that started ten minutes ago -- but I want to see you. We’re still friends, right?” Tony sounded anxious.

“Yes, of course,” Loki said.

Tony stood and polished off his drink. “Cool. See you at seven.” Surprising both of them, Tony leaned down and gave Loki a quick hug. “Later, Green Eyes.” He left, closing the door quietly behind him.

Huh. Tony still wanted to spend time with him. And it didn’t seem to be pity, either. Loki was overwhelmed with a sense of relief. He’d do his therapy, he’d get his pills, and their sex life could go back to normal.

Right?

\----

Tony greeted Loki with his usual smile on Thursday. “Hey, Lokes. Come on in. I ordered dinner already.”

Loki winced. Normally they had sex before they ate. “What do you want to do right now?”

“I thought we could talk. Get to know each other a little better.”

Loki narrowed his eyes. “You want to know what’s _wrong_ with me.”

“Are you a serial killer? Child molester? Get off on torturing animals?” At Loki’s horrified face, Toy shrugged. “Didn’t think so. So whatever’s up with you, it’s bound to be pretty normal.”

“It doesn’t make it any easier,” Loki said, angry. “Quid pro quo, Tony. Why are _you_ in therapy?”

Tony didn’t even blink before answering. “Because everyone I’ve ever given a damn about has left or betrayed me.”

Loki dropped into his usual spot on the couch. “And everyone _I’ve_ ever given a damn about has manipulated or tried to control me.”

Tony half-smiled. “See, we’re a matched set.” He sat down next to Loki.

“Maybe, but at least you can get it up.” Loki sighed and laid back against the couch, closing his eyes.

“So what? I’m happy with the way things have been going with us. It’s fine if you need pills for it.”

Loki opened his eyes and looked at Tony. “It really doesn’t bother you.”

“Does it bother you that I keep my shirt on when we fuck?”

“Maybe a little? I’m curious why, but it’s not my business.”

“I know your secret. I’ll show you mine after dinner.” Tony looked uncomfortable with the idea. “Quid pro quo.”

“Don’t.” Loki told him. “You obviously don’t want to show me. It’s okay.” Loki could see the tension bleed out of the man. Yes, Loki was curious. But he didn’t want to put that on Tony.

“Thank you,” Tony said. The sincerity was almost painful. They weren’t like that, they were just fuckbuddies. Still, Loki felt the need to comfort the man. He gave him a small smile and reached out to squeeze Tony’s shoulder.

Dinner arrived, and Loki was relieved to have the emotional stuff over with. He went and got them beers as Tony put the food out. As they ate, they talked about their usual subjects: bitching about people they had to work with, things they’d been reading, and politics. It was mostly bitching, to be honest. Both of them had no one they could really talk to about work, so they took turns ranting and sympathizing.

It struck Loki that Tony had never mentioned anything about his role as Iron Man. Huh. Loki had no desire to pry, though, so he asked about how Tony’s bots were instead. Safe subjects. 

Loki was laughing about another DUM-E story when his phone rang. He took it out of his pocket and looked at the screen. _Frigga_. Loki hit the Decline Call button and let it go to voicemail, but she rang back immediately.

“Hang on,” Loki sighed. “I have to take this.” Loki moved across the room so he had a little privacy. “Yes, Frigga?” 

He knew something was wrong immediately. His adopted mother was crying. “Loki. Your father--”

“He’s not my father.”

She continued as if he hadn’t spoken. “He had a heart attack. He’s gone.”

_Gone_? Loki went numb. “He’s dead.”

“He passed maybe an hour ago,” Frigga confirmed, sniffling. God. He hated his family, but hearing Frigga cry made him feel awful.

“I… I’m sorry.” Loki said. He knew Frigga wanted him to feel sad, but his first reaction was relief. Odin had made his life hell until Loki had moved to America for college. Loki had never gone back. At the same time he felt a sense of loss, that Odin would never tell him he was proud of Loki’s success. He hated that part of himself, that still craved Odin’s approval.

“Will you come home for the funeral?”

Loki closed his eyes. “I’ll think about it.” 

“Please, Loki. I miss you. So does Thor.” Frigga sounded so _hopeful_. As if mentioning Thor would convince Loki, as if his adoptive brother hadn’t bullied him for their entire childhood.

“I said I’ll think about it. I have to go, Frigga.” Loki wanted to get off the phone, get away, hide from everything.

“I’ll email you when we’ve made the arrangements.” Frigga started to cry again. “I love you. Please come.”

Loki hung up, still in shock.

“What happened?” Tony asked. Loki had forgotten he was even there.

“My adopted father died. His wife wants me to go to the funeral.” Loki felt unreal, saying it.

“I’m sorry,” Tony offered. “Anything I can do?”

Loki shook his head. “I should go. I don’t think I’m going to be good company tonight.” He intended to go hide in bed for a week. Maybe get very drunk.

Tony put a hand on his arm. “My parents died when I was seventeen. If you need to talk, let me know.”

“Thank you,” Loki said, to be polite. “I’ll text you.” He grabbed his coat and left. It was fourteen blocks to his apartment and it was snowing, but Loki didn’t care. He felt disconnected from everything, ungrounded.

When he got home, he laid down in bed and pulled the covers up to his chin. Childish, maybe. But he’d grown up with Odin and now the man, as much as Loki hated him, was dead.

For the first time in years, Loki cried.

\-----------

Loki had therapy again on Monday. He wanted to cancel, but he wanted his prescription more. So he spent fifty minutes vomiting up his feelings about Odin, about his family. It was horrible. He felt a little better afterward, much to his surprise. He felt angry at the years of mistreatment and neglect, but he felt… validated.

At least Dr. Ramirez had agreed with Loki that going to the funeral would just make him feel worse. Odin was a successful businessman back in England, and the memorial service was bound to be large. Loki hated crowds, and hated the idea of processing his grief with a bunch of strangers.

What he wanted to do was be with somebody who understood. Feeling oddly hesitant, he texted Tony. _Busy_?

Tony responded almost immediately. _Not really. Want to come over?_

_I’m kind of a mess_. Tony deserved to know.

_We can talk if you want. Or watch bad action flicks. Whatever you want_.

Crap movies and a few drinks sounded like a good idea. _On my way_. Loki caught a cab to Stark Tower. The receptionist waved him to the private elevator, knowing who he was. He was glad he didn’t have to talk to anyone. Although, once he got in the lift, he asked JARVIS how he was doing. It had become a habit whenever he came to visit Tony.

“I am well, Mr. Odinson. My condolences.” The AI’s calm voice was soothing.

“Thank you, JARVIS.” Funny how he found a computer program more comforting than he did his own family.

When Loki walked into the penthouse, Tony had concern in his eyes but seemed to be trying for casual. “Hey, Lokes. What can I do for you?”

“How about a gin and tonic and some crap action films?” Loki didn’t want to think for a while.

“Sounds good. JARVIS, find something stupid to watch. Lots of explosions.” Tony went to the bar to make their drinks. “One question and then I’ll shut up.”

“Sure,” Loki said, shrugging out of his coat.

“Are you going to the funeral? You don’t have to say more than yes or no. I just wanted to know if you’d be around Thursday.”

“I’m not going. And yes, I’ll be here. I see my doctor on Wednesday.”

“Cool,” Tony said. He handed Loki a drink, and they sat together on the couch. Loki half-wished Tony would hug him, but they weren’t like that.

JARVIS started a movie, and lost himself in Tony’s comments about how unrealistic the explosions were. It was funny. Loki found himself laughing at his friend’s mock indignation. Tony was playing it up for him, he could tell, but it was good nonetheless.

When the film was over, Loki found himself curious. He tried not to ask Tony too much about his life, but… “Do you ever miss making weapons?”

Tony stiffened slightly. “Sometimes. I don’t miss making things that hurt people, but making shit blow up? It’s a lot of fun.” Tony stood. “Another drink?”

“Please.” Loki could take a hint. He watched Tony fix drinks. “How did your parents die?” the question slipped from his mouth before he realized he was going to ask it.

“Car crash. Howard -- my old man -- was probably drunk. Again.”

“You called him Howard.”

“Yeah.” Tony came back over. “I hated him. Still do. But I wanted so bad for him to approve of me… I hate him for that, too.”

“I can say the same about Odin.” Loki took a gulp of his drink. “It got worse when I accidentally found the adoption papers. I was sixteen. Turns out Frigga had wanted another kid and Odin didn’t. No wonder he treated me like shit.”

“Odin and Frigga? What were they, mythology nerds?” Tony sat back down as he spoke.

“No, just Icelandic. They moved to England shortly before my bro-- their oldest son, Thor, was born.”

“I take it you don’t get along with him, either.”

“He’s an idiot and a bully. He and his friends used to make fun of me for liking books instead of football.” Loki took another gulp. He wanted desperately to be drunk for this conversation. “Thor used to hide my books. He’d steal my writings and read them to his buddies, and they’d all laugh at me.”

“Suddenly I’m glad I don’t have siblings.” Tony took a mouthful of scotch.

“You should be.” Loki polished off his G&T. He wanted a cigarette, but he’d quit smoking four years ago. He wanted something, anything to help him forget. “I wish I had my fucking Viagra.”

“We can go to bed if you want,” Tony said easily. “Would you enjoy it even if you couldn’t get hard?”

Loki thought about it. His brain felt a little slow from the alcohol. “Probably.”

“C’mon, then.” He finished his scotch. “Let’s find out.”

They went into Tony’s room, and Loki grabbed Tony’s shirt and pulled him close. “I don’t want to think,” he said as he bit gently at Tony’s neck. “Please.”

Loki wanted it fast and hard, but Tony took his time. He wasn’t gentle by any means, but by the time he finally put his dick in Loki, Loki was ready to scream from frustration. He was a little drunk and Tony was stroking his cock while he fucked him, and Christ, Loki was _hard_ and he was so close, and when Tony leaned down to bite his nipple Loki _came_ and it was brilliant and he was suddenly so, so very tired….

When he woke up Tony was passed out next to him. It was dark outside. They’d slept some six hours. Loki stretched and went to the toilet, relieving his complaining bladder. When he came back out, Tony was awake. “Hey,” Tony said. “How’re you feeling?”

Loki thought about it. “Not terrible.” He realized he was hungry. “I could do with some food.”

“Same,” Tony said. “Pizza?”

Loki shrugged, not caring. He felt… better. More relaxed. “Thank you.”

Tony knew what he meant. “No problem. JARVIS?”

“On it, Sir.”

Getting out of bed, he pulled on some loose sweatpants. “So, uh. No performance issues.”

“Apparently alcohol works just as well.” Loki was pleased by that. He could tell his doctor and therapist both to go to hell. He grabbed his clothes and started to dress himself.

“Not a solution, Lokes.” Tony winced. “I can’t believe I just said that.” Loki laughed, but Tony looked serious. “I think you just need to learn to relax, is all.”

Loki sighed. “Easier said than done.”

“Maybe next time I’ll give you a massage or something.”

Loki arched an eyebrow. “You really think that’s going to fix me?”

“You don’t need fixing. I just want to help.” Tony was doing that sincere thing with his face again.

“I appreciate it, Tony. But a couple of drinks once a week isn’t going to hurt me.”

“Maybe you can use the pills sometimes too. I’d rather you not be drunk every time we fuck.” Tony was frowning.

“Fair enough,” Loki replied. He wanted to hug Tony and wipe the frown from his face. They weren’t like that. Even if Loki was starting to think he might want to be. Shit.

Something must have shown in his expression. “What’s wrong? Tony asked.

“Nothing, I just… Nothing.” Loki released a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding.

Tony looked doubtful, but to Loki’s relief he didn’t pry. They spent the rest of the evening watching another movie, and then Loki told Tony he had to go. He needed some time to process these new, softer feelings he was having.

“You don’t have to leave, you know.” Tony looked a little anxious. “You can stay over, if you want.”

Loki shook his head. “Fenrir’s probably starving by now.” He glanced at Tony, who was trying not to look hurt. “I can stay Thursday night, though. If you want.” He felt awkward.

“Only if you want to.” Tony looked uncomfortable too.

“Yeah, okay.” Loki put on his shoes and coat. “See you then.”

When he got downstairs, a cab was waiting for him. Must have been JARVIS. The night was cold and the wind was bitter, so Loki was glad for it. He watched the city through the windows, trying not to think about anything until he got home.

Fenrir started complaining about the lack of food as soon as Loki walked in the door, and bitched the whole time Loki got the half can from the fridge and put it in the cat’s bowl. “Yes, yes. I’m so cruel to you.” He snorted. _Cats_.

Tuesday he worked. He had some changes to make to his most recent script, and he was struggling to get the right words on the page. He wrote longhand with his favorite fountain pen, and his pages were covered in crossed-out words by the time he gave up and went to bed.

Wednesday he woke up inspired, and barely managed to get to his doctor’s appointment in time. He got his prescription filled at the pharmacy, and then rushed home to resume writing. 

When he took a break to make some tea, Loki found himself wishing he could talk to his therapist about the situation with Tony. On a whim, he picked up his phone and dialled Ramirez’s office. “Does the doctor have any openings tomorrow?”

“One moment, please.” The hold music was smooth jazz. Ick. The office manager came back on the line. “Dr. Ramirez has a cancellation for 8:30am, if you’re interested.”

Loki wrinkled his nose. He hated getting out of bed early. “If that’s all she has, I’ll take it.” After the appointment was scheduled, he went back to his script. Best he get some work done if he had to be up in the morning.

\----

Therapy was, again, surprisingly helpful. He also felt more relaxed about going, now that he realized it wasn’t completely terrible. Afterward he treated himself to a latte and croissant at the coffee shop down the block from his apartment, and went home to think.

He had realized that he wanted more from Tony than just friendship. He wasn’t in love with the man, but he craved more… intimacy. He hated the word, but his therapist was right to use it. Ramirez said there was nothing wrong with asking for what he wanted. But every time he’d reached for a connection with someone in his life, they’d used it against him. So they were going to work on that in session Monday. Loki wasn’t thrilled, but he wanted to feel better about… everything. So he’d agreed.

When 7:00 approached, Loki packed a change of clothes and his toothbrush. He put out extra food for Fenrir, feeling strange. He hadn’t spent the night with anyone since his last girlfriend, and they’d broken up almost a year ago. Before he left he took a pill, glad to have them again.

In the elevator at Stark Tower, JARVIS greeted him with bad news. “Hello, Mr. Odinson. Sir is running a bit late this evening. He sends his apologies and asked if you will wait for him.”

Loki was confused. “Why didn’t he phone me?”

“Iron Man was called out this morning,” JARVIS said. “Sir is being debriefed at the moment, thus the delay.” The AI paused. “Will you stay?”

“All right.” The lift began to move. He had a book on his phone. He could entertain himself for a bit.

Loki got a beer from the bar and sat down to read.

Almost an hour passed before machinery in the corner of the room started rising from the floor of the living room and the roof opened. Tony landed and began to walk down the newly-formed steps, his Iron Man armor being removed by the machinery. Loki had never seen it before, and was astonished by the beauty of the mechanisms. He watched with wide eyes as Tony went straight to the bar and everything disappeared back into the floor.

“Hey, Green Eyes.” Tony sounded tired.

Loki schooled his face into something calmer. “Long day?”

“You have no idea.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Loki was curious, but didn’t want to be nosy.

“Had to take down a terrorist cell in Germany.” Tony swallowed down half a glass of Scotch without stopping. “There were a few civilian casualties. Hostages.”

“I’m sorry,” Loki said, feeling helpless. He stood and went to Tony. “Would you like a, ah, hug?”

Tony looked at him, startled. “Yeah, actually.” 

He wrapped his arms around Loki’s torso, and Loki hugged him back. It felt… nice. They stood like that for a while, Loki enjoying both the feel of his friend’s warmth and the sensation of giving comfort to someone he cared about. Loki hesitantly stroked his hair, not caring that it was sweaty, and Tony relaxed into the embrace.

Some minutes later, Tony let go, and Loki stepped back. “Thank you,” Tony said.

“You’re welcome.” Loki found himself smiling. “Is there anything I can do for you?”

“Dinner and some movies? Not action films, though. I don’t think I can handle any more explosions today. Just let me take a shower.” Tony left before Loki could offer to wash his back. Pity.

Loki ordered food, fetched a glass of water for Tony, and asked JARVIS if he had access to _Young Frankenstein_. By the time Tony came out, the movie was queued up on the screen.

“Oh, cool,” Tony said. “I haven’t seen this movie in ages.” He plopped down on the couch next to Loki, closer than he usually sat. He indicated the water. “This for me?” At Loki’s nod, he picked it up and drank half of it.

“So, um.” Tony sat the glass down. “How do you feel about, uh, snuggling? Because I know you usually don’t like that, but I could really use the contact right now.”

“Whatever you need, Tony.” Loki had been expecting to ask Tony for physical affection tonight. He felt relieved that Tony wanted it too, even if it was for tragic reasons. “I’m happy to help.”

“Thanks,” Tony said. He tilted himself sideways to lay on the couch facing the television screen, his head in Loki’s lap. “This okay?”

“Yes.” Tony had liked it when Loki petted his hair before, so maybe…? He ran his fingers gently through his friend’s hair, still slightly damp from the shower. Tony’s body relaxed as Loki stroked his hair. Tony heaved a deep sigh of pleasure, melting into Loki’s lap. “JARVIS, will you please start the film?”

By the time JARVIS said quietly that dinner had arrived, Tony was snoring softly. Loki smiled down fondly. He hated to wake the man. “Leave it in the lift, please,” he murmured to the AI.

“As you wish, Mr. Odinson.” Interesting that the AI adjusted his volume as to not wake his creator.

Tony didn’t stir when the movie ended, so Loki asked for the original _Producers_ film. Gene Wilder movies were a pleasure going back to his childhood, beginning with _Willy Wonka_. He could quote most of them from memory.

Loki’s stomach started growling three quarters of the way through the film, and it woke Tony. The man startled, then relaxed once he remembered where he was. “Sorry,” Loki apologized.

“No, no, it’s okay.” Tony sat up. “Did you get food?”

“I did. It’s in the lift. I’ll heat it up if you like.”

“That’d be great.” Tony yawned. His hair had dried at odd angles, between sleeping on Loki’s lap and Loki running his hands through it. Loki found him adorable.

Smiling, Loki got dinner and warmed it in the microwave. They ate in companionable silence. After the meal, Tony frowned. “I’m probably going to have nightmares tonight, if I can even sleep at all. You might want to go.”

Loki stilled. “If you want company, I’ll stay.”

“Really? Because you don’t have to.”

“I want to. If you want me to. If you need to be alone --”

“No, no. I’d appreciate the company.” Tony seemed relieved. He yawned again. “Sorry. It’s just been a shitty day. I’m terrible company.”

“You’re fine, Tony.” Loki reached across the table to take his hand. “Let’s go get some sleep, okay?”

“All right.” Tony allowed Loki to lead him to the bedroom. Loki undressed and got under the covers. Tony kept his tank top and sweats on, but followed. Debating for a moment, Loki scooted closer and put his arm around Tony’s waist. His friend relaxed under the weight of it. “G’night, Lokes.”

“Good night.”

\---

Loki was woken by a kick to the shin. Startled, he opened his eyes. Tony had moved to the edge of the bed, and was thrashing in his sleep. “Tony.” Loki carefully reached out to put his hand on the man’s shoulder. “ _Tony!_ ”

Tony let out a yell and his eyes opened wide. “What-- oh god, I’m so sorry, I --”

“It’s fine, Tony.” Loki pulled him close, curling around him. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really, I was -- no.” Tony’s whole body was tense.

“Anything I can do?” Loki rubbed circles on his back, gently.

“I should get up, get some work done.”

Loki kissed his shoulder. He was still tired, and it made him less guarded than usual. More affectionate. “Stay.”

Tony was silent for a long moment. “Talk to me?”

“About what?”

“Anything.”

Loki thought. It was hard when he was this tired. “Did I ever tell you about the time I convinced Thor that eating live slugs would make him taller?”

Tony huffed a laugh. “No.”

“Well, I was about seven…” As he told the stupid story, he felt Tony relax against him. Soon the man was asleep, and Loki allowed himself to follow.

\-------------

In the morning, Loki was alone when he woke. Tony’s side of the bed was cold. “JARVIS?”

“Sir is in his workshop.” There was a long pause. “He says you may join him if you wish.”

“Tell him I’ll be down after I shower.” Loki washed quickly, using Tony’s soap and shampoo. He brushed his teeth and dressed, curious about where Tony spent most of his time.

The lift took him to a floor he’d never been to. When the doors opened, Loki was amazed at what he saw. There were holographic displays everywhere. Tony was working on some red metal. Part of the Iron Man armor? The music was loud, so Loki had to shout to get Tony’s attention. “Tony!”

The man looked up from his work. “JARVIS, music at 20%.” The racket quieted into background noise. “Sorry I wasn’t there when you woke up.”

“You’re fine. What are you working on?”

“Just getting some dents out of the suit I wore yesterday.” Tony looked at him, as if searching for something. “You’re not mad.”

“Why would I be mad? You woke up before me. I don’t see the problem.”

“My ex-girlfriend… She didn’t like it when I got up in the middle of the night and came down here. Didn’t appreciate the nightmares, either.” Tony sighed. “We’re still friends, but… I’ve learned the hard way to expect the worst from people. Sorry.”

“Stop apologizing I’m the same. You’ve known that since we met.”

“I have.” Tony smiled wryly. “It’s just, before yesterday you wouldn’t even touch me except for sex, and I thought… I might have thought the worst of you too.”

Loki tried to relax. “How so?”

“I figured you were just using me as an outlet.” Tony glanced away. “I didn’t think you actually gave a damn about me.”

“I… didn’t realize how I felt until recently.”

Tony looked back at him, brown eyes full of… was that hope? “And now?”

“Understand this is hard for me. I do want more from you. I… care for you.” It was Loki’s turn to look away. It was difficult for him to tell someone they had power over him.

Tony set down his work and came close to Loki, until they were almost touching. “I care for you, too.” He took both of Loki’s hands in his own. “How do you feel about having a complete wreck for a boyfriend?”

Loki looked into Tony’s eyes, so full of feeling. “Only if you don’t mind helping carry my baggage.”

Tony smiled. “You have a deal.”

And when Tony kissed him, it felt like a new beginning.


End file.
